Permission means the authorisation or consent to do something, the subject of a request in writing or by word of mouth or something that has existed through custom.Should anyone in schools be seeking permission to look after their own wellbeing? No, because workplace wellbeing is a right to which everyone is entitled. There are however particular issues with leadership wellbeing, which we will explore here.

As leaders we are constantly giving permission: to staff to attend events; to children to make mistakes; to parents to raise concerns. But who gives the headteacher permission?

Wellbeing is impacted, positively and negatively, by a range of factors in schools from accountability to behaviour, from workload to poor relationships, from the whole school culture to individual circumstances. Whatever wellbeing looks like in your setting, the right to good wellbeing is equal. What is done to support staff as individuals may vary, because needs differ, but the right to be supported, to be looked after, to be enabled and to have agency should be absolutely equal. 

Many leaders would argue however that their wellbeing is neglected, low on the pecking order, not respected or non-existent and one only need look at the leader groups on social media to see the levels of stress, concern and despair that some heads and deputies express about their lived experiences. 

So why is this? 

One reason comes from colleagues who might ask for leadership to take some of their load in terms of playground duties or managing behaviour, or those that ask for extensions to deadlines or that events such as parents evenings be moved. There might also be  members of your team who are negative about leadership, who aren’t team players or who engage in staffroom gossip, all of which can make school leaders feel undermined and underappreciated.  There might also be colleagues who wouldn’t think twice about being critical to our faces, which we might consider at best inappropriate, at worst rude or aggressive. Part of leadership is being able to listen to and take responses to our actions, but even the most resilient might find this emotionally wearing. The notion of the ‘upward bully’ is explored further here. 

Pressure may also come from governors, from trust or local authority leadership, particularly those distant or divorced from the day-to-day realities of running a school. Short deadlines, demands for instant answers, a lack of empathy or understanding, inappropriately worded emails, all contribute to leadership stress and anxiety. You may feel that expressing your vulnerabilities is a sign of weakness, but actually it is a sign of your humanity, and that you too need a supportive shoulder at times.

Of course we also have parents. Whilst talking to school leaders issues such as WhatsApp groups, Facebook groups, late night emails or Class Dojo messaging are regular bugbears. Other leaders have talked of a ‘sense of entitlement’ of parents to challenge teachers and leaders on a range of issues, from behaviour consequences to curriculum content and beyond.

You have permission to look after your own wellbeing, but what can you do about it?

Establish the culture

I explore the subject of school culture in depth in The Wellbeing Toolkit but establishing a wellbeing culture, and communication of your ‘Why’ around wellbeing can ensure that wellbeing isn’t a tickbox or token exercise. If your wellbeing offer is cake in the staffroom on a Friday or an awkward meditation session or two, then wellbeing isn’t really being offered. A strong wellbeing culture acts on concerns, listens, addresses key issues such as workload and protects precious time. When this culture emphasises wellbeing is for everyone, including those who are never unwell and appear the most resilient, your wellbeing as a leader is more likely to be respected.

Have boundaries

Be very clear, by example, how you expect staff to be spoken to. It is not a case of  “Don’t talk to me like that!” but one of how we all respond to each other. Of course emotions run high at times, but a strategy as simple as “Come to speak to me later about this?” with a specified time, can allow time for reflection rather than cross words. We permit what we promote; the leader who snaps harshly models that example to colleagues, as does the leader who remains calm, reasoned and reasonable. 

Communication protocols are also a place for setting boundaries. Emails sent at anti-social hours can set anyone on edge, especially if there is a deadline or a poor choice of language therein. Email protocols, with a 8am to 5pm sending period, set a clear message. Teach your colleagues how to schedule emails if they choose to work outside these hours, and have a polite school template out-of-office message. Take school email and contact apps off personal devices. If something is truly urgent, a phone call will do. With all our human obsession with technology, never forget the value of face-to-face communication and the reassurance that human contact brings. 

Final thoughts

As Chris Dyson, then at Parklands in Leeds, said to me when I interviewed him for The Wellbeing Toolkit, “Look after your staff and they will look after you!” meaning that as head he considered wellbeing in all its aspects, from workload and time, to the way it enabled staff to do their absolute best for the children. Compassion isn’t ‘soft’, empathy isn’t ‘letting them get away with it’, respect doesn’t mean allowing boundaries to be broken. You have permission to be compassionate, empathetic and respectful, for others and for yourself but actually, do you need to ask?