Since becoming an NQT in 2015, I have been incredibly lucky to have amazing opportunities and I am not naïve in acknowledging that I have ‘stepped up’ quickly. Within 2 years, I was leading a core subject (with a TLR) and in 2019, I became Assistant Headteacher. For as long as I can remember, people have described me as ambitious and people who know me well know that I am always striving to be the best I can possibly be. I have always been academic and therefore I have often felt like progressing quickly, or moving onto the next rung of the ladder, has been expected of me.

This has never particularly bothered me until recently.

An opportunity presented itself where, if I was successful, it would be a big ‘step up’. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted, but it caused a lot of conflicting thoughts about what I should or shouldn’t do. Would I be letting people down if I decided I didn’t want to ‘step up’? Was I making a massive mistake if I didn’t even throw my hat in the ring? Would people think less of me if I say I don’t want it?

Making the decision forced me to do a lot of reflection.

The past two years have been particularly tough for me – I have suffered from intense burnout as well as having things happen in my personal life. My friends, family and colleagues knew that this academic year was make or break for me: this time last year, I contemplated leaving leadership and possibly even teaching altogether. It has taken a lot of work on myself and support from people around me to be able to feel the joy of leadership and teaching again. To feel the joy of life again. That wasn’t something I was willing to risk unless I was 100% certain.

I reflected on what it is about my current role that ‘sparks joy’ – curriculum, teaching and learning, getting into classrooms, assessment – and on why for the first time in a long while, I feel excited for the year ahead. I am doing work that aligns with my values and what I am truly passionate about. Could I say that this new role would align with that? Not fully, no.

I remember being part of the volunteer team for our London Leadership Day back in February, and Hannah Wilson’s keynote has stuck with me ever since. Knowing yourself and ensuring you are authentic. One quote she shared on the day resonated a lot:

Could I do a role day in, day out that I knew wasn’t aligned to my values and what I wanted? Could I do a role day in, day out that I knew would take me away from some of what brings me joy? Especially when I have only just found it again.

When I looked at it all objectively, why would I have done it? Because I thought it was what other people expected of me. Once I realised this, it was clear what decision I needed to make.

I feel like there is an increasing culture of progressing quickly, or feeling like you must, in order to prove something to others. Of course, that’s not saying that progressing quickly is wrong. But how many other people have felt pressured to take the next ‘step up’ when deep down they may not want to?

There is a strength in knowing when it is not right to ‘Step Up’ and standing by this, whether it be because of personal reasons or simply because you do not want to. How many people have decided to take a break from leadership, or have stayed in a role for a while, and have then been asked why when applying for a new role as if this is a flaw? Are we inadvertently adding to the pressure people may feel? It has made me reflect on comments I may have made, or questions I may have asked people in my life. Was I part of the problem?

Nicola Mooney talking about non-linear career paths so eloquently during our launch event springs to mind. As Nicola said, “Your journey is your journey – own it.”

In such a fast-paced world, sometimes it’s okay to slow things down and enjoy the journey without worrying about the end destination. I am still ambitious, and I am still driven, but I want the right step up for me. And that’s okay.